(Click picture above to view a larger image. Click here for Quicktime version.)
Quantum Physics: There's a Thing
by Graham Adair
Quantum physics. Theres a thing.
Ive heard of nothing stranger.
You fancy juggling atoms? Well
Be mindful of the danger.
For thoughts of protons, quarks and muons:
Such exotic matter,
Are apt to tie your brain in knots,
Your sleepful nights to shatter.
The Big Bang. Sheesh! Well strike a light!
Is that what really happened?
Youre telling me we all began
As matter crushed and flattened?
And then some great explosion
Thrust us all forth into being?
I think The Big Baloneys
A better name for what were seeing.
Black Holes -- what? Youre kidding me!
A huge contrivance, surely.
A ruse by Stephen Hawking
(Who accepts his praise demurely.)
So if its true that black holes
Suck and swallow up all matter,
Why dont they eat up physicists
And all their nonsense patter?
And what of blessed Einstein
And his General Relativity?
Accepted though it may be
Its a triumph of complicity.
You test it by experiment,
And analyse the outcome.
And if it makes no sense
You just amend the main theorem!
Herr Heisenberg is in a quandary,
Cant make up his mind.
Hes dreaming up a Principle,
But unsure what hell find.
He thinks the laws of physics
Pose a crisis hes averting,
But til his theorys testable
Well all remain Uncertain.
Well hip-hooray for SuperStrings!
A unifying theory!
At last we have a model
Thatll settle every query.
But hang on -- its just wacky concepts
Fraught with terminology
It makes no sense; its full of holes,
Now heres a laugh: you take a clock,
And send it into space.
When down it comes, you check the time.
And Lo! Its lost its pace.
It seems that hours pass slower
As you near the speed of light.
Time-travels a reality! And pigs are airborne.
Theres dark misgivings on the rise:
Dark Energy, Dark Matter.
A new theory for why
The Universe is getting fatter.
But is it really growing?
Maybe we ourselves are shrinking!
Collapsing to a speck
Beneath the weight of quantum thinking!
A Cyclic Universe
Is what theyre telling us we live in.
A Big Bang first, expand, contract;
Then Big Crunch, new beginning.
The contents of the universe
Are bound for all eternity
To grow and live, then shrink and die,
Repeating to infinity.
In which case, all the laws of physics
Wont be here for long.
Like us, theyll bend and buckle
When the Big Crunch comes along.
The point of Singularity
Will deconstruct all logic,
Our physics theories then will seem
Less real than Discworld magic!
In closing, heres an observation
Likely to confuse.
The Uncertainty Principle
Declares surprising news:
To take a thing and look at it
Will change its very state.
So dont read my opinions, lest you change them.
Oops. Too late.
Poem © 2002 by firstname.lastname@example.org
Artwork © 2002 by Carl Goodman email@example.com
Back to Table of Contents