Editorial & Letters
Planet Magazine: All Stories Coated in Triple-Bonded SF Laminate!


The Editorial Not Written

This issue became so delayed
that, in the end, this editorial was never written. Obviously, it was written somewhere in the multiverse, and that is a happy thought. We'll bet it's a real rip-snortin' editorial too! Something exposing political corruption at the highest levels of the local-space confederation, but somehow leaving the readers in those galaxies feeling uplifted and believing in aliens (which, come to think of it, could be us). Oh, how I wish I could read that missive!

On the other hand, there are universes where Planet Magazine was never even started, let alone lacking a simple editorial. What cold, dark places those must be. And that is a sad thought. (Please note that no disrespect is meant toward the fearless and noble Avenging Ice-Cave Wormhole Demons of the planet Nolktuchooe).

Here, in our universe, of course, the editorial was never written, yet the issue was finally published. So that's a lukewarm thought. And that's "OK".

So, what might have been in this reality we call "reality" if this editorial had actually been written? What lives would be sharply inflected upwards or downwards or even sidewards as a result? One thing we do know is that this unwritten editorial you are not reading would have been extremely clever, charmingly self-aware, and perhaps have some third quality we can't begin to imagine.

What's just as true is that this editorial-that-never-was would have ended coyly and succinctly with its single, trademark period (what the British call a "full stop"), unless I'm very mistaken about everything

Not Signed,
Andrew G. McCann
August 2004

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor: We all know that civilizations have come and gone here on Earth. What if we too fade, or destroy this planets ability to support life? I've been kicking around an idea to preserve a good chunk of humankind's knowledge as a time capsule of sorts. Any inputs would be appreciated as to whom to approach with the idea. The concept is to launch a rocket with 7 stacks of DVD's arranged in a cluster, deep into space. I figure an arrangement like this could hold approximately 40000 DVD's in a 20' stack.

We are talking 36,000+ gigs of information, images, sounds, you name it. We could save on these DVDs movies, poetry photographs, newspapers, whole spectrums of info. If you've ever enjoyed reading Civil War letters, multiply that many, many times. I also think that launching a new one, updated, every year in a different direction would ensure that the record of our existence would endure. Plus, think of what future historians could learn from them 100, 200 or how ever many years it took for us to catch up to them. A phonographic record couldn't dream to hold what one DVD could hold, let alone 40,000 DVDs clustered together. As an example, every song ever recorded could be saved this way and use less than one percent of the space. Home videos could be put on them, complete works of poetry would be preserved for the ages, never to fade. Imagine finding one of these crafts from another civilization... what wonders we could uncover.

You have a backup safely stored for your computer, yet humankind doesn't have one for its thousands of years of struggle and inspiration. It's a shame, and ought to be righted. The DVD deep-space time capsule would do this.I hope this sparks some idea of how to get this to happen.

Thank you for your time,
Zac Lowing
Lombard, IL

Dear Editor: Are you feeling curious about which genre authors, magazines, book publishers, artists, galleries, online stores, TV series, films, conventions, and other assorted SFF types have been voted the best of the best for this year? Then take yourself on over to http://www.WoodenRocket.com

Dear Editor: On October 14, 2004, Bluestockings Bookstore (172 Allen St., New York, NY) will be hosting an evening of feminist science fiction. Ellen Datlow (editor, scifi.com) will MC the event with readings from Carol Emshwiller (Carmen Dog, The Mount), Marleen Barr (Feminist Fabulation, Oy Pioneer!), Nancy Jane Moore (Imagination Fully Dilated, Imaginings), and Sue Lange (Tritcheon Hash [sf satire]). Feminist sf, an offshoot of the larger science fiction genre, questions the gender roles and stereotypes we live under today and, looking to the future, offers alternatives to our current social constructs. Emshwiller, Barr, Moore, and Lange will provide a taste of what this innovative and unique branch of science fiction offers. There is no charge for admission and there's a good chance that refreshments will be served. Come participate in an alternate view of the future.
Sue Lange

Dear Editor: Although your magazine is focused on sci-fi art and literature, I would like to know if your readers might be interested in a sci-fi music project that imagines what extraterrestrial music and alien voices sound like. I am preparing to release my fifth CD, titled "Songs from Other Planets." The music has many futuristic elements, a mix of the familiar and the strange. The CD will be released September 1, 2004.
Jon O'Bergh
Timescape Music

Dear Editor: I'd like to get some sample copies of your magazine but unfortunately I don`t have access to any types of credit card in order to subscribe and purchase your magazine. I really need some sample copies of your magazine. It`s so important for me to get some issues of your magazine. I would be very pleased if you would send me at least three sample copies of your magazine differently to: [specific address in Iran removed].
Sincerely yours,

[Editor's Note: Planet is available only electronically.]

Dear Editor: Serebella.com has added a link to "Planet Magazine" on our page about "Science Fiction and Fantasy" which can be found at http://www.serebella.com/directory/Arts/Online_Writing/E-zines/Fiction/Science/Fiction_and_Fantasy/.
The Serebella.com Team

Dear Editor: Hello, my name is Shane Chebsey. I sell small press books and comics on the net, including the genre that your ezine covers. I feel that many of my visitors may be interested in your zine, therefore, please feel free to add a free link from my site to yours using the link at the bottom of my linkspage.
All the best with your zine,
Shane Chebsey

Letters to the Rightful US President

Dear Al Gore: Whenever a steam-powered robot releases pressure via its ear-valves, do not make the mistake of thinking that whatever you just said to it was an unbreakable logic puzzle that destroyed its positronic cranial lobes in a massive meltdown. That would be a terrible error, especially if you then assumed the robot was completely inoperative and you tried to go through its pockets, looking for some sweet robot-nip. Remember, steam is white and shoots straight out; smoke is black or gray and curls upwards. Trust me on this, buddy.
N. Validd

Dear George W. Bush: I wanted to be the first to tell your readers the news about the new Chinese nuclear-fission phones, which operate using tiny, self-contained nuclear reactors. Some scientist in China figured out how to shrink these atomic furnaces to the size of a matchbook (whatever that is). You can't get the phones in the US right now, due to federal regulations, but they're GSM phones, and some of the specialty cellphone web sites will have them. Talk time on these babies is something like one-thousand years! Understandably, they're quite expensive, especially the jewel-encrusted ones. So leave those to Beyonce and Lindsay Lohan. The one to get is the $149 unshielded version! I've been using one for months, and it's so great that my jaw hits the floor every time I use it, literally.
Via SMS,
Lou Zeen-Myhaire

Dear Vice President Cheney: There's an old saying: Slow and steady wins the race. That assumes "fast" is unreliable, though. Otherwise, fast and steady wins the race every time. That's all. You can move on to the next letter now.
E. Sopps-Faibels

Dear Howard Dean: One of the great myths about Bob Dylan is that he never wrote any songs about the coming Alien Invasion. Well, guess what? ALL of his songs were about the future Alien War Against Earth. And that's a war in which I will fully support the eventual winner, by the way, whichever side that may be. Like Bob, I just wanted to be on the record.
The Times They'll Be A-Changin',
U. Effo

Dear John Kerry: I got myself one of them TV/Mirrors. Sometimes I turn off the TV and watch myself for a while. You never know what's going to happen. Once I saw myself get up and walk out of the picture frame. Don't remember what happened after that.
Never Stop Watchin',
Boo Batoobe

Dear Ralph Nader: I've read all of the Dark Tower books, and they just didn't make sense to me. But then I had a brainstorm: I re-keyed the entire series in my copy of AppleWorks, did a global search and replace of "Roland" for "Dubya", and re-read the whole thing. Now the story finally hangs together! Except for the looting.
Say Thank Ya Big-Big,
Ludwig Van Accessible

Dear Editor: I was using one of them wireless McDonald's "hotspots" and the service was so bad I felt "burned", and then I dropped my Treo 600 into my lap, causing severe phantom pain. So I'm suing for fifteen million dollars, or 15 million Big Macs, whichever I can get sooner.
I'm Lovin' It,
Y.R. Less

Back to the Table of Contents

You think your job is bad? Well, I'm the guy who has to come up with these little quips you see in Planet. I'm telling you, this zine is.... wait.... Shhhh, quiet! I think the guards are coming. I have to pretend I'm working. We'll talk later.