Once, in the misty Morning of America -- when steamboats chugged the Atlantic, when Ernest Hemingway knocked out Boss Tweed in one round, when the New York Yankees drove in the last golden needle in the first transcontinental phonograph line, and when Ronald Reagan and Mark Twain earned six cents a day fighting shoulder-to-shoulder in the trenches of the Louisiana Purchase -- everyone had a motto or slogan they could live by. Something to point to, and take direction from, like a guiding star. Cries of Ohio or Bust! Remember the Spanish Main! or Hey Jimmy! passed the lips of generations of gaunt immigrants, giving them a beacon to follow as they forged a young nation in the smithy of their passions, the bellows of their labors, the hammers of their determination, the anvils of their, uh, homes, and tempered it with the tears of their brows and of their, um, laughing mouths, we guess.
Anyway. With something like all that in mind, we've been trying to come up with a hard-impacting slogan for this exciting, new zine that you, dear reader, are eye-scanning at this exact moment. These were some of our initial ideas: "What the Heck, It's Free", "Truly One of Many Zines", "So Great You Could Drive a Truck Through It," and, finally, "What Are You Looking At?" But then we thought, Wait a minute, are we powered by a low-self-esteam engine or something? Sounds like we're thinkin' small (the editorial wee, as the Scottish say). So we shot higher. And here's what we came up with: "Planet -- Perhaps One of the Humbly Greatest Concentrations of Pure Madcap Knowingness in Electronic-Magazine Form in the History of All Universes, Known or Unknown, and Kinda Focusing on SF, Fantasy, Horror, Poetry, Humor, and Possibly Other Areas™". We realize it needs a bit of editing, but we think that, as it stands, it is an individualistic, nonsexist, self-determining, multicultural, multispecies-istic, and, more important, empowering slogan, and therefore "appropriate." Which is a pretty darn good thing, or so we hear.
Andrew G. McCann,
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
(Editor's note: Letters will be edited for clarity, brevity, and because of our deep-seated need to control the thoughts of others.)
To the Editor: "The Arrow" was an interesting bit of "Space-industralization gone wild" story. I don't think I'm going to bet against Chuck's getting that moon shoot off. Reminds me of a movie with Andy Griffith, called "Salvage One," or something like that, where a bunch of ex-NASA people get together with a junk dealer and pull off "Apollo-18" (the last NASA mission to the moon being Apollo-17).
"The Kravarian" was scary; how close those
two came to going all the way and for nothing . . . a powerful, brief anti-war
story. "My Name is Konen the B..." Konen? with a Brooklynese accent? Too
much! Especially effective "stage direction." "On Bloating" -- What can
I say, it IS funny, even if it is about a rather unfunny subject. I hope
that there will be some more humor in your Number 2 issue. But who's she
trying to kid: "Let's face it, bloating is underrated"?????? Looking forward
to Number 2.
To the Editor: How does one download
Planet Magazine? (My brother and friend have Macs, and I'd like to download
the magazine for them.) Good luck with this wonderful venture!!!
[Editor's note: Planet is available on America Online, CompuServe, and NVN as a text file or as a read-only, stand-alone application that is fully formatted with text, color, and graphics (see "Submissions Policy" on "Masthead" page for more info). The text file can be read with either a Mac or a PC text reader (such as M.S. Word) and takes about 4 minutes to download at 2400 bps; the stand-alone app is Mac-only and takes about 17 minutes to download at 2400 but only 4 minutes at 9600 bps.]
To the Editor: Hi! I loved reading
the quarterly Planet -- it's great! I especially liked the "Konen" story,
the humor column, and the "Tail of the Dog." How neat that you've started
To the Editor: I just finished looking
through Planet Magazine No. 1. Wow!
To the Editor: I just wanted to
drop a note to say how much I enjoyed your last issue of Planet Magazine.
There was a nice diversity of literature. I particularly enjoyed the poem
"Last Night I went to Africa," by M. Phillips. I am interested to know
the future of your magazine, when the next issue will be out. Thanks!
P.S. Your magazine could stand to have a little more artwork/graphics. (In my opinion.)
LETTERS TO SOMEONE ELSE
Larraby: Egads, man, these "suicide notes" were not humorous then, and they most certainly are not at this late hour. Perhaps that young alienist in Vienna -- a Dr. Freund, I believe -- can see you over this ghastly hump of ghoulish jesting. In any case, recall that your one and only (it is hoped) such attempt -- inhaling directly from a lamp gas jet -- only resulted in you blowing up into a shpere the likes of which only Col. Blimp's mother could love.
Nevertheless, I am sorry that I can not come 'round, as I am leaving at this moment for Victoria Station to catch the 1715 to Folkestone. Flynn has the carriage out front right now, and Flashmon is beginning to doze off after finishing my last bottle of vintage '57 Taylor's. I shall have my hands full.
Bear in mind that I will be meeting with M. Eiffel for the entire week, dadblang it.
Take it easy, dude,
Ann Akronizm, M.B.E., F.Y.I., P.O.R.K.
Surf City, Vancouver
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